XAdventures in HouseSitting
by cptevelyn
Summary: While Betsy and Warren are on vacation, the rest of the X-Men house-sit for them. Hillarity and insanity insue, as Scott is slowly driven insane. Rating for Pete's foul mouth. (Completed)
1. Breakfast of Champions

AN: Another co-written fic for my sister and I. We started this about two years ago and just now got around to finishing the thing. Warren and Scott fans beware. Warren is mocked throughout and Scott is driven insane. This is sort of silly and crazy, so beware. Enjoy and don't forget to review!!  
  
"Now, where'd dey hide dat gator meat?" Remy asked looking through the refrigerator with his butt in the air.  
"Whatcha lookin' for Sugah?" Rogue asked as she walked by and smacked the easy target. He turned around and gave her a sly look.  
It was Remy and Rogue's turn to cook. The gang, including the two of them, Hank, Kurt, Kitty, Bobby, Scott, Peter, Jubilee, and Logan, were house sitting for Betsy and Warren while they were on vacation in the Bahamas.  
"I was looking for the da gator meat so dat I could make my famous gator sausage," Remy said with a prideful look.  
Rogue rolled her eyes. "Great, just what Ah was lookin' for this mornin', heartburn."  
Remy gave up looking for the gator meat and started to mix some pancake batter. He dumped the whole box of pancake mix into an oversized bowl. He started to dump the whole gallon of milk into the bowl, but he soon realized that there was only a little bit of milk left. "Oh well," Remy said, "guess I'll have t' impr'vise." Rogue's eyes went wide as Remy poured tap water into the concoction. He then added eggs and closed the carton. On his way back to the fridge, he dropped the remaining eggs out of the carton and on to the floor.  
"You're cleanin' that up ya know Swamp Rat," Rogue said with mock sympathy.  
Remy gave her a sly look and dug into a drawer in the kitchen. He pulled out a hand held mixer and plugged it into an outlet on the wall. He put it into the bowl filled with unmixed batter and turned it on high. Batter immediately sputtered out all over the counter. Rogue started to giggle as Remy removed the mixer and started to stir the mess with a spoon, "Celui qui a fait cette chose, regard hors de mon ami que la Gambit's va à..." he began to mumble under his breath. (Whoever made this thing, watch out of my friend, Gambit's going to...)  
After he was finished mixing, he started to pour round shapes of batter on to the large griddle in Warren and Betsy's kitchen. After he finished, he tried to turn on the griddle but it wouldn't work. By now Rogue was laughing so hard she was in tears, clutching her stomach.  
Remy raised an eyebrow at the griddle. "Voila!" he said as he tried to charge the pancakes with a light dose of kinetic energy. In stead of heating the pancakes, the piles of batter started to glow red and then blew up, spewing batter everywhere. It practically covered Rogue.  
"Swamp Rat!" Rogue yelled. She grabbed a frying pan and started to whomp Remy over the head with it.  
"Je regrete chere," Remy said between swings.  
"If ya ever do that again," Rogue started. She then grabbed some fine china off the counter and started throwing it at him. After she had run out of china, she looked at Remy. He had a puppy dog look on his face. He looked so innocent in his pink, lacy, 'kiss the cook' apron. She smiled at him.  
"Ya know chere, you don' look dat bad covered in batter," Remy said with a chuckle.  
"Why you little," Rogue yelled. She grabbed some knives out of a drawer and started to throw them at him.  
"Whoa, chere," Remy said "dat was only a compliment." Remy started to run when a knife nearly cut off his ear. "Help me! Aidez-moi! Aidez- moi!" Remy screamed as Rogue flew after him, still yielding the knives.  
Remy continued running, past the rest of the team in the living room. They all watched in awe as the pair continued the chase.  
As Remy headed toward the door, Scott was just walking up the steps of the front porch, bags of Burger King breakfast in his hands, a Burger King crown on his head, and humming "Mr. Roboto".  
Both Scott and Remy had their hands on the door knob at the same time. The door flew open and Remy flew backwards onto his butt. Scott stumbled forwards as Rogue threw two knives before realizing Scott was there. One knife went through one of the bags of food and the other went right through his Burger King crown. Scott stood aghast as all the other X- Men in the living room watched.  
"Whoops," Rogue said quietly.  
"What the hell has been going on?" Scott yelled. "I leave this house for ten minutes and you're all trying to kill each other. You all can be so immature." Everyone except Remy and Rogue stared at Scott.  
"This time it wasn't me," said Jubilee.  
"I guess I owe the _sane_ members of this group an apology." Scott said.  
"Ha, ha! For once me and Bobby aren't the immature ones," Jubilee said. She got up and started to dance, saying, "oh yeah, uh huh," over and over again until Rogue threw the remaining knife in her hand at Jubilee's head. The knife hit her sunglasses and knocked them off the top of her head. She stopped dead in her groove.  
Remy started to snicker. Scott shot him a pointed look. "That's enough you two." Scott yelled, "I am ashamed Rogue, that third in command of the X-Men would endanger her fellow team members like that."  
"Sorry Scott," Rogue said, "we were just playin' around."  
"Well," Scott said, "Don't do it again or I _will_ tell the professor. By the way," Scott continued, "why are you covered in... Never mind. That's the last time I leave Remy in charge of the cooking."  
"I see you don' trus' ol' Gambit wit da cookin' anyway, Scotty." Remy said, noticing the bags of Burger King in his hands.  
"Sorry Remy, but I knew something like this would happen." Scott said.  
  
After everyone had settled down from the morning's debacle, they all sat down in the dining room to eat the Burger King breakfast that had survived impalement.  
As everyone dug in, Bobby discovered that his breakfast sandwich was sliced in half. "Why me?" Bobby asked as milk came flying out of Kurt's nose. Jubilee was so startled by her milk bath since she was sitting next to Kurt, she leapt up and accidentally kicked Logan who was sitting across from her. "Owe! My toe!" she cried. Logan just grumbled under his breath. Bobby then started a food fight.  
Scott sat at the table shaking his head as food flew everywhere. "I'll never win," he wined.  
  
With the take-out breakfast swimming in their stomachs, and on their person, the gang decided to investigate as to why the stove wasn't working.  
  
Beast was the first to make a move and he opened the door to the oven. "Ewwwe. I have a cleaning formula somewhere in my lab that I think I'll recommend Betsy to use. Hmmm, I wonder where it is..." Bobby stood with his hands behind his back and began to whistle.  
"Hey, uh, guys," Jubilee suddenly said, "I think I found the problem." She held up the plug to the stove in view of everyone.  
"Who the hell unplugs their stove?" Bobby asked.  
Peter coughed "poof," referring to Warren. Everyone gave him a pointed look.  
"Mais pourqui would dey unplug de stove?" Remy asked. (But why...stove.)  
"Because they all knew you'd be tryin' ta cook, sugah," Rogue answered with a smirk.  
"Now that that problem is solved," Scott started, "lets all-"  
"Investigate the house!" Bobby exclaimed.  
"Uh.." Scott said.  
"Yeah!" Jubilee shouted.  
"_Excuse me_," Scott said commandingly as everyone began to follow Jubes and Bobby.  
"Nobody care, homme," Remy said as he passed Scott. Scott just sighed.  
  
AN: You like? Fell free to let me know, and please be nice. This story is finished so chapters will be posted according to the amount of reviews the story receives! 


	2. Expoloring And A Friendly Game of Paintb...

AN: This is where it starts to get a little crazy. Thanks for the reviews so far! Enjoy and please review!!  
  
Kurt, Remy, Kitty, Rogue, and Peter all began to explore the house in a group. As they were exploring the hallway with Rogue and Remy in the lead, Remy started to run ahead of Rogue in a zig-zag pattern to each table in the hallway and pilfer things.  
"Remy LeBeau, what in the heck are you doin'?" Rogue asked with her hands on her hips.  
"Chistmas shoppin' chere," he answered, "See here's petit's pres'n't, and here's Jeanie's, and..."  
"Uhhhhh," Rogue grunted, "why d'ya hafta steal from our friends? No wonder they all hate you."  
"Nah, dey jus' jealous o' Remy's good looks." he answered with a smirk. "'Sides, Betsy pro'lly stole all o' dis in de firs' place."  
"Whatcha guys talking about?" Kitty asked as Peter spotted a security camera next to them in the hall. He gave it the British two-finger salute and grinned at it. Kitty saw him do it out of the corner of her eye and glared at him.  
Kurt put his hands together, looked up and said "Gott geben Sie mir strenth." (God give me strength)  
As they continued down the hall, every time Remy saw a picture of Warren, Betsy, or their family he snorted. When Kurt figured out what he was laughing at he joked, "Sie gehen zur Hölle, Remy." (You're going to hell)  
After a few short minutes, they found themselves in the formal dining room.  
"Wow," Kitty said, "this is the biggest dining room I've ever seen. You think they ever use it?"  
"Nope," Peter said with a bland look. "I bet this is just another one of the poof's ways of showing off all of his money to the rest of us. That toerag gets pleasure from our torment."  
"That's an awfully big china cabinet." Rogue said, eyeing the mahogany monstrosity up and down. "Ah don't get it. Why all this crap for just the two of 'em?"  
"Dey rich, chere," Remy said as he reached inside one of the doors and took out a ceramic egg. "Dey got so much money, dey don' know what ta do wit it all. Dats why I'm takin' stuff. Dey got so much, dey'll never miss it."  
"Keep it up LeBeau," Peter said, "and one of these days you're gonna get it."  
"Maybe, maybe not, but at least I still be pretty. Gambit cest un joli garçon, non?" (Gambit is a pretty boy, no?) Remy replied as he looked at himself in the mirror of the china cabinet. Rogue just shook her head.

* * *

Bobby, Hank, Jubilee, and Logan were all exploring the upstairs as the other group did the same on the first floor.  
"Ahh!..." Bobby said as he peeked into Betsy's bathroom. "how many bottles of flowery shampoo _does_ a woman typically own 'cause I think Betsy's overstocked."  
"What's the matter Drake?" Logan asked, "Is the big bad Iceman afraid of girl cooties?"  
"No," Bobby replied, "It's just that the smell of all of those shampoos is noxious."  
"Oh _joy_," Logan said as they all entered Warren's bedroom, "this should be real interestin'."  
"Logan, go easy on poor Warren," Beast said, "never underestimate a person's true worth."  
"Uh, guys," Jubilee said as she opened the closet, "Maybe we should go down stairs now," she continued as she and the rest of the group saw that Warren's closet was filled with drag.  
Bobby let out a girly scream as Logan burst out in laughter. "Perhaps I was mistaken about Warren. It seems that our dear friend Peter's suspicions were correct." Beast said.

* * *

When both groups of explorers met downstairs in the living room, Scott was seated on the couch reading "How to Let Them Know You're In Control". "There you all are," He said as he saw the horrified looks of Bobby, Hank, Logan, and Jubilee enter from one doorway and the bored faces of Peter, Remy, Kurt, Rogue, and Kitty enter from another. "Did you all have fun?" Variations of "yeah" came from Peter, Remy, Kurt, Rogue, and Kitty while the other four just stared in horror.  
"I think I'm going to throw up," Jubes said looking quite nauseated.  
"What happened ta all of ya?" Rogue asked. "Ya'll look like ya'll jus' saw Warren an' Betsy gettin' it on."  
"You _scare_ me, chere," Remy said.  
"It was _far_ worse than that," Bobby said, "Warren's closet's full of drag." At this, Logan, Peter, and Remy burst into laughter. The rest of the group all looked at each other in shock.

* * *

After things calmed down the group decided to play a friendly game of paintball. Team one, with blue balls, was Remy, Peter, Rogue, and Hank. Team two, with red balls, was Kitty, Jubes, Bobby, Kurt, and Logan. As the game started, Jubilee was shooting paintballs at a wall of the mansion. She giggled at her artwork of "Mr. Clean is sexy" displayed on the wall. Scott started approaching her and she ran off. As he saw her masterpiece he said "Beefy!" and continued his walk.  
The game was running smoothly until Peter got bored, due to the fact that the other team had hidden themselves so well, and decided to start shooting Remy. "Sacre bleu!" Remy shouted as Peter shot him in the butt with a paintball. "Ce qui sont you doing? We're on de same team, homme!" (What are you doing?)  
"Sorry," Peter answered, "I got bored."  
Rogue couldn't help but chuckle. "Well at least he didn' hit cha in the other side, sugah." Beast just smiled.  
"Les butterfies sont mauvais." (Butterflies are evil) Remy said. Rogue and Hank stared at him and said "huh?" simultaneously.  
"_What_ did you call me?" Peter asked threateningly.  
"Not'ing, homme," Remy answered, "I was jus' tryin' to see if dese deux were still awake."  
"Yeah, sure," Peter said as he shot Remy in the groin with a paintball. Remy let out a high pitched yelp and fell to the ground.  
"Looks like Ah spoke too soon," Rogue said with a laugh. She then ran to Gambit to see if he was alright. "Are you ok, sugah?" she said with concern.  
"I'll live," Remy replied, "I hope."  
At that instant, the other team entered the area and spotted their opponents. "Looks like Gambit's got a case of blue balls." Bobby said laughing as he tagged Rogue and Gambit.  
"Hey, no fair," Rogue said, "He was injured and-"  
"Yeah, yeah, save it for some other time Rogue. I tagged you fair and square. Just because you had to make sure your lover boy's package wasn't damaged doesn't make it a good excuse." At that Rogue started to chase Bobby around the yard. When she got ahead of him, he aimed an ice flow at her but missed and hit the lock to the guard dog cages.  
"Oops," he said as he surveyed the area to make sure no one saw. Peter saw Bobby and, being out for blood in this game, started shooting at him.  
"Ahhhh!..." Bobby yelled, "who the hell gave Pete the semi-automatic paintball gun?" As he ran, Peter hit the lock to the cages again with a paintball and it broke. Twenty Doberman Pinchers were now standing outside of their cages, snarling at the group of X-Men on the lawn. Both teams stopped game play and stared at the beasts.  
"Qui ont laissé les chiens dehors?" (Who let the dogs out?) Remy said. Bobby then began to bark. Rogue just shook her head in shame. Beast then translated for the rest of the group.  
"Uh, guys," Kitty said, "maybe we should go in now." At that the dogs all began chase, and the X-Men began to scream.

* * *

After an hour of getting the dogs back in, everyone decided to do their own thing to pass the time until lunch.  
Rogue tried to have a nice relaxing steam bath in the sauna but Bobby interrupted her by freezing the sauna - chaos ensued.  
Kitty went swimming for a while but she stopped after she phased through the diving board and almost drowned.  
Hank baked Twinkies until he accidentally spilled a chemical on them and turned them fuzzy and blue.  
Jubilee and Bobby played with the intercom system saying things like "Price check for the cross dresser on isle three" and "Scott's a stinky butt poop head" until Scott told them to stop.  
Peter was running around to all of the guestrooms sawing two legs off of all the beds in varying combinations.  
Shortly before lunch, everyone got so bored that they all intervened in the living room except for Scott who went to get food. Logan, Kurt, and Remy were asleep on three of the five couches already when everyone arrived. Hank was reading a book.  
Kitty, Jubilee, and Rogue had decided that they were going to shave Kurt's legs as he napped on the couch.  
"It's really surprising that he hasn't even flinched yet," Kitty said as the girls carefully carried out their mission.  
"Uh, guys," Jubilee said with worry, "what do you suppose is under all this fur?" They all looked at her and blinked. At this point Kurt woke up to see the three girls doing their dastardly deed.  
"Was in der Welt are you drei doing?!?" (What in the World are you three doing) Kurt shouted.  
"Sorry brother," Rogue said, "we jus' wonder'd what was under all o' that fur."  
"Well don't do it again," Kurt said trying to calm down. "I'm extremely surprised that two of my best freunde and my own schwester would do such a thing."  
"Hey guys," Jubilee said in a whisper, "let's all get Wolvie with the shaving cream before he wakes up." The other two girls smiled with delight as they carried the can over to Wolverine and sprayed the white foam all over him.  
"There," Rogue said, "now let's wake him up before he sleeps through lunch and the foam dissolves." The three tickled the tip of Logan's nose until he woke with a start.  
"Food's here!" Scott yelled as he walked in the front door. At that point, Logan noticed that he was covered in shaving cream and stood up and shook it off himself and all over Scott. Scott just laughed insanely and grinned.  
"Are you alright, fearless leader?" Hank asked Scott, noticing his laughter very un-Scott-ly.  
"Just fine," Scott said with a huge grin on his face.

* * *

After lunch the professor called to ask Scott how things were going.  
"So then," the professor said, "everything's in order?"  
"Yes master- I mean, yes sir," Scott said shaking back and forth.  
"Are you sure Scott? You sound a little flustered," the professor said with worry. "Yeah, yeah, fine, fine." Scott answered.  
"Alright. Goodbye Scott. Take care," the professor said.  
"Bye-bye," Scott said stupidly.  
"Who was that, Charles?" Ororo asked as she entered the Professor's study.  
"Scott," the professor said. "I think we should take a trip to Warren and Betsy's first thing tomorrow morning.

* * *

Hank, Kitty, and Logan were in the basement trying out a few chemical reactions Beast wanted to try.  
"I hate my hair," Kitty said as she ran her fingers through her brown locks.  
"How do you think I feel?" Logan asked, "My hair sticks straight up in two places."  
"Au contraire, mes amis," Hank said, "Neither of you are _covered _in hair." Logan and Kitty nodded in agreement.  
"Some of us are closer to that than others..." Kitty said, glancing at Logan.  
Logan merely glared at her in reply.  
"Say, I've got an idea," Hank said with a twinkle in his eyes, "Let's invent a new hair formula that will solve all our problems."  
"Uh oh," Kitty said as Hank began to pour chemicals into a test tube.  
"Relax, you two. I know exactly what I'm-" Hank was cut off as a big explosion occurred and pink smoke filled the basement.

* * *

BOOM!  
"What was that?" Rogue asked as she awoke from her nap on the couch snuggled against Remy.  
"Je ne sais pas, chere now go back ta sleep," Remy replied as Rogue snuggled back up next to him.

* * *

BOOM!  
"What in the bloody hell was that?" Peter asked himself as he walked around outside enjoying the afternoon.  
"Hold still Peter," Scott said as he approached him with a butterfly net, "there's a flaming pink flamingo on your head."  
At that Peter started to run away from Scott. "What on earth is wrong with you man? Have you gone all six's and seven's?"  
"Must. Get. Flamingo!" Scott yelled as he gave chase.  
"Ahhhh!!" Peter said as he ran from Scott.

* * *

"Wow," Kitty said, obviously dazed, "what is this stuff Hank?"  
"I don't know but it makes my feel like I can fly," Hank said childishly.  
"Weeee!" Logan said, "I'm a pretty, pretty, princess!" Logan then burped and started to laugh. Hank then responded to Logan's burp with one of his own setting off a burping contest between the two. Kitty began to act as a sports announcer.

* * *

Kurt was bored. He was seated on the couch wondering what to do. _Why not raid the kitchen?_ He thought to himself. He picked himself up off the couch and headed into the kitchen. Just then he saw some wine. _Hmmmm, he thought, ah, why not?_

* * *

A little while later, Scott had stopped chasing Peter and was now looking closely at a blade of grass in the lawn. He was too interested in the grass to notice Bobby conveniently placing lawn gnomes in Scott's view. As Scott got bored with his blade of grass he glanced up to see the lawn gnomes. He then looked back down at the grass again.  
"Aaaiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeee!!! They're watching me!" Scott screamed when he took a double take to see the horrifying, pudgy little beasts.  
"Here, Scotty, Scotty," Jubilee said as she began to run towards Scott with his butterfly net and Hank's lab coat on.  
"Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!" Scott screamed as he began to run from Jubilee.  
"Wait, Scott," Jubilee said unnervingly, "I won't hurt you." The chase was on from that point.

* * *

_ I wonder where Hank is_, Bobby thought as he headed towards the basement. As he walked down the stairs, he smelled something funny and began to become a little light headed. He could hear loud burps and shouting coming from below. "What the.." Bobby then witnessed Logan and Hank in a heated burping competition with Kitty as their announcer.  
"Uh maybe you guys should all come upstairs with me," Bobby said as they all stopped and turned toward him.  
"Oooooookkkkaaayyyyy!" Kitty said, still in her announcer voice.

* * *

When Bobby arrived upstairs with the stoned trio he found a very drunk Kurt upside down on a chair belting out AC/DC's "Highway to Hell" at the top of his lungs.  
"Oh. My. God." Bobby said with a horrified look on his face, "If this day keeps getting weirder, I'm gonna have to seek Psychiatric help."  
  
AN: You like? Then let me know!! Don't be afraid to give me a review! I promise all it will take is a few seconds and I'll be your friend for life!! 


	3. Diner Everyone!

AN: Sorry it took me so long to update this. I got a little busy... Enough of that and on with the story! Thanks for the reviews!

* * *

The X-gang was starting to get hungry from the day's excitement. Several members refused to allow Remy to cook after the fiasco that morning and Pete was happy to take on the challenge. He decided to Bar-B-Que since it was easy, and would require little clean-up.  
After he had placed the meat on the grill, smoke came pouring from the bottom of it. "That can't be a good thing," Pete said, backing away from it.  
The grill soon blew up, sending shards of metal, charcoal, and ground beef everywhere.  
"Oh! Fuck wank bugger shitting arse head and hole!" Pete exclaimed as the grill went out in a blaze of explosive glory.  
An innocent lawn gnome that was next to the grill was sent flying in the explosion. Its head was severed from its body by a shard of metal from the grill. The body went through a nearby window and was skewered by one of Betsy's katanas, while the head landed near a lawn chair that happened to be holding Scott. Its eyes and scorched face were pointed in his direction. Scott looked at it, took a double-take, and then screamed.  
Back at the grill, Pete stared at his creation. Gambit walked up to him shaking his head. "If y' wanted Cajun, homme, y' could'a said somet'in."  
"Don't start, you rotter or I'll do the same to you," Pete said, not even bothering to look Remy in the face.  
"Maybe we should call for Pizza," Jubilee said to Hank and Bobby, who were in awe at the disaster that was Warren's grill. Jubes was barely finished with her sentence when a pizza delivery car came up the drive.  
"Wow," Bobby said, amazed, "That was fast."  
"How'd they know?" Jubilee asked, shocked.  
"Maybe he's a mutant," whispered Bobby.  
"I called Dominoes twenty minutes ago," Hank stated, calmly.  
"So, Pete," Bobby said, "Have you ever considered a job in catering?"  
"Piss off, ya wanker," Pete replied.  
"Oh, bugger!" Bobby shouted, mockingly, in a horrible British accent. "I just blew up the bloody toerag of a grill! Aren't I an arse! I'm such a binting poof!"  
"That's it, Drake!" Pete said as he began to chase the Iceman.  
While firing hot-knives at his victim, Pete accidentally slashed the pizza guy's tires and continued to give chase.  
The pizza guy just stood and stared at the dilemma. Hank, coming to receive the pizza, yelled "Garg!" and did a classic monster pose, jokingly.  
"Ahhhh!" the pizza guy screamed as he dropped the boxes of pizza and ran down the street.  
Scott began to chase him. "Wait! You forgot your money!"

* * *

After a surprisingly uneventful dinner, Jean called to see how Scott was surviving. The professor had alerted her that something may have been wrong and she was growing a bit worried.  
"He-llo!" Scott said in a singsong voice as he answered the phone.  
"Scott? Is that you?" Jean said, finding it hard to believe that her anal husband was so happy he would answer the phone in that friendly of a tone.  
"HI!" Scott shouted.  
"Uh, hi," Jean replied, nervously. "Are you alright, Scott? What's been going on to get you in such a good mood?"  
"I'll never tell..." Scott whispered, waving a finger in the air.  
"Okay..." Jean said. "Well, since you're starting to worry me, I'm hanging up now..." _I can't be married to a crazy person!_ Jean thought to herself as Scott began to make gurgling noises on the other end.  
"Okay. Bye-bye!" Scott nearly shouted into the phone. He then slammed the receiver onto its cradle and began to grin like an idiot.  
After a few moments, Scott picked up the phone cord and began to chew on it like a toddler.  
"Mmmm..." He hummed as drool dribbled down his chin and onto his shirt. "Tastes just like mom's Chicken!"

* * *

AN: Ta da! More to come soon! Please don't forget to review... I'll love you forever! 


	4. Finalle

AN: This is the final chapter... It's kinda short, but don't worry. The ending is the best part! Thanks again for all the reviews!

* * *

The next morning, the professor, Storm, and Jean had arrived at the house. Most of the morning, the professor was trying to get through to Scott with no avail. Therefore, most of the excitement didn't start until early afternoon.

Jubilee was minding her own business, trying on all of Betsy's jewelry when the door flew open, courtesy of a very playful Bobby Drake, and knocked the jewelry box out of Jubes hands and into the toilet.

Bobby stared at the mess in the john and started to snicker. "Oops. Sorry Jubes... Have fun!" He bounded off down the hall.

"I'm not getting it!" Jubes shouted at him.

She ran downstairs and began to whine to Remy and Pete until they could take no more. The pair followed the sugar-hyped teen up the stairs, glumly. Pete yielded a toolbox while Remy carried a flashlight.

They got to work immediately. Remy started sticking various tools down the toilet's bowl attempting to dislodge the jewelry. He dropped about six tools down the hole and was about to try again with a wrench.

"Forget it, you idiot," Pete said, trying to pry the wrench from Remy's hand.

"'Ey!" Remy shouted. He glared at Pete and charged the wrench.

"Ah!" Pete yelled, dropping the charged tool into the toilet. Within seconds the toilet met the same fate as the grill. This time, _digested_ meat flew everywhere.

Kitty and Rogue walked by the bathroom after the incident occurred.

"Ewe," Kitty said, sniffing the air, "what's that smell?"

"Don't look at me Sugah," Rogue replied.

The boys walked out of the bathroom, covered in sh-crap.

"Guess who's sleepin' on the couch tonight." Rogue said, holding back giggles.

Remy and Pete ran past their girlfriends toward the other bathroom to attempt to remove the substance that was now invading their personal-bubbles.

The professor was occupying the other bathroom attempting to pluck stray hairs from his head with a pair of tweezers.

"Open up! It's an emergency!" Pete yelled as he and Remy pounded on the bathroom door. When the door was not promptly opened Pete kicked it open.

"These stupid tweezers don't work!" The professor exclaimed as he stood in front of the mirror.

"Remy let you use his, now get out homme!" Remy shouted. "What do you use tweezers for, LeBeau?" Pete asked, staring at the Cajun.

"Gambit 'ave a uni-brow d'accord? Now get de hell outa dere!" At this the professor turned to the pair and noticed that they were covered in crap. He began to laugh uncontrollably.

Pete and Remy then headed for the pool. When they got to the vast body of water, Bobby had frozen it and was currently using it as an ice skating rink. They had already attempted to jump into it before they noticed this, and landed with a thump on the solid water.

"Ooo, that had to hurt." Bobby stated noticing that his friends mistake. He sniffed the air a bit. "What the hell smells like as-crap?" He took a closer look at Remy and Pete. "Ewwe... That's degrading. I never should have let Kitty borrow my camera!" With that Bobby scampered off.

Later that evening, Remy and Pete finally got their much needed bath when the ice melted enough for them to fall through.

* * *

Scott, finally able to admit to himself that his sanity was officially gone without a trace, picked up the phone and dialed the number to Westchester Psychiatric.

"Hello," Scott said to the operator at the institution, "I think my brain ran away. I tried looking for it but it was gone. Do you know where it is?"

"Sir, give me your name and address and I'll send a van over immediately," the operator replied.

"Okay!" Scott shouted as hung up the phone. Scott suddenly put his had up to his mouth. "Oh!" he said, realizing he forgot to give the woman his address. "Here, number, number, number, number..."

As Scott continued the search for the phone number, Logan, Remy, and Pete stood in the hall listening to their C.O. confessing to his insanity.

"Alright, you two," Logan said, "fork it over."

Remy and Pete took wads of cash out of their pockets and handed them to Logan.

* * *

As everyone was sound asleep in their lop-sided beds, Scott wandered the hallways, searching for his mind. He stumbled upon Warren's closet and opened the doors. When he saw all the wonderful things it contained, he looked about himself to check that no one was looking and began to laugh insanely.

* * *

AN: Hope you enjoyed it! There will be an epilogue but it hasn't quite been written yet... We're working on it! Please tell me what you think!


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